Upgrade the Herd To hire better people and/or weed out the bad ones. "Smart companies are using the down economy as a chance to upgrade the herd."
   
Uplevel Corporate-speak for raising or taking to a new level. "We'll need to uplevel our thinking for this client."
   
Upskilling To develop new skills, generally technical ones often by reskilling (retraining).
   
Up-Titling The practice of giving impressive-sounding titles instead of raises. Examples: The Head of Verbal Telecommunications is really a receptionist. An Optical Illuminator Enhancer cleans windows. And Stock Replenishment Executives stock shelves.
   
Vacationers People who take frequent business trips just to get a vacation from their jobs. See also 'Tourists.'
   
Vapor Trail The tell-tale sign of a co-worker who uses too much (and likely cheap) cologne or perfume. The lingering odor can be detected long after they’ve passed by.
   
Vendorware Freebies, such T-shirts, hats, bags, etc., imprinted with a company logo. Usually given away at trade shows and worn by slobs who have no intention of actually ever buying anything from the vendor. Sometimes spelled vendorwear.
   
Verbicidal Condition that exists when a person believes he or she is skilled in the use of words (a verbalist), but in reality is grammatically challenged.
   
Voted Off the Island To get booted from a team, task force or committee. Also, to get fired or laid off. "Jack no longer works here. He got voted off the island."
   
VSP Currently in vogue, it's corporate-speak for buyout. The Voluntary Separation Program offers Voluntary Separation Packages (financial incentives) to encourage employees (hopefully older and higher paid) to leave so a company can reduce the workforce and l
   
Vuja Day The distinct feeling you've NEVER been here (or heard this) before. Psssst! It's the opposite of deja vu.
   
Warm-Chair Attrition The drop in productivity that begins when an unhappy worker checks out mentally and ends when he or she finally finds a new job and quits.
   
Watercooler Effect Buzz created by news or an event (generally non-work related) that sweeps through an office, distracting the employees and bringing all work to a crawl.
   
Wet Signature An original signature. The old-fashioned kind, written in ink on a real paper document -- not one that's been faxed, photocopied or scribbled electronically with a stylus.
   
Wetware There's hardware, software, vaporware, etc., but behind it all is wetware. It's literally the brains behind it all the human brain. Can also be used to refer to the human beings (programmers, operators, managers, etc) who actually run computers. "Our main
   
White Collar Spam Unsolicited e-mail sent by legitimate companies that think they have a relationship with you even if you’re sure they don’t.
   
Whiteboard The act of brainstorming by listing ideas on a large write-on/wipe-off board. "Let's whiteboard the new product launch in the conference room at 10 a.m."
   
Wigglespace The 21st century update of "wiggle room." "We built in some wigglespace to make sure we wouldn't miss the deadline."
   
Win/Win A fascinating business concept that somehow eliminates the "loser" in any deal or project. Loose translation: "This really works for us and we all pray it works for you, too."
   
Wire Frame A rough draft or idea. "Once we get the wire frame, we'll develop the rest of the plan."
   
Wombat Someone or something that's a "Waste of Money, Bandwidth and Time."
   
Work Spasm The initial spurt of energy you pour into work after returning from vacation or a relaxing weekend. It generally wears off by lunch on Monday.
   
Workflower Someone who blends into the background at work. Example: After two years you suddenly notice that the mousey blonde you keep passing in the hall works with you.
   
Xerox subsidy Swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. Also applies to faxing personal stuff and stealing office supplies.
   
Zerotasking To do nothing or have nothing to do. Taken from the caption of a New Yorker cartoon, which pictures a serene-looking man plopped in a comfy chair.
   
Zero-Zero Split When you're supposed to be splitting your time 50-50 between two groups or projects, and you tell each boss that your other tasking is taking all your time. An effective way to goof off, as long as your bosses don't compare notes.
   
Zombience The atmosphere of a fine establishment that has all the trappings of elegance and the promise of great service, yet employs a staff that resembles the living dead.
   

 
Copyright © 2005 OfficeIdiots.com All rights reserved.

DHTML Menu / JavaScript Menu by OpenCube